The Wishing Tree

When Tyler and I made the decision to send Sayler to a school that specializes in autism, we knew we had to make some changes financially to make it happen. We also had some medical bills that had accumulated and was just wanting to get out of dept. So the decision was made and we sold our beautiful new home and bought his grandparents seventy something year old home. After a few weeks of living in a trailer I didn't care what the house looked like I just needed a house. We have done some work to it and there are times I do wish a tornado would just come and rip it away. This old house is growing on me though and I can now say it is HOME. We have had so many good things happen in this home so far, and with the economy the way it has been for some I am just thankful I have a home. It has its perks. The yard is amazing. Lots of big shade trees that makes for a cool summer. One of the old trees out front has an old Times News box bolted on. I had tried to rip it off but I believe it has grown into the tree. Its just not coming off, and now I am glad it wouldn't. What at first I thought was a big eye sore has now became one of those perks I was talking about. It is our "Wishing Tree". Magical things happen when you put your wishes in it. Like our wish lists to Santa, the Easter Bunny and even Leprechaun's. They don't even need to be addressed to any certain person. Just write the wish down and it Magically disappears....
One Sunday morning a while ago. We had been talking to Jaxsten about his appointment coming up with the heart doctor. He was having some new tests done that he hadn't before so we were just mentioning it to him now and again for his preparation. Hoping it would help to know what was coming. On this Sunday morning I was in the front room sitting with the kids when Jaxsten walked up and asked, "Mom do you have half a heart?" My answer was no. "Does dad have half a heart?" My answer again was "No buddy. We have a whole heart." Jaxsten, "Well McKinzee has a half a heart. Right?" I quickly realized what was going on and began to stumble with my words and emotions. Tyler and I had talked about this. What we would say. We have decided to be open and honest with him. All I have told him so far was that he was a "TRUE Super Hero" and that he was born with only half a heart and that he had to have it fixed. He was self conscious about his scar when he was little, so I began calling it his super hero scar. It quickly became something cool to show off rather than something to be ashamed of.  I thought I would be able to address this when the time came. I just didn't realize it would be here this quick. So I looked at Jaxsten and said again, "No buddy, hers isn't quite like yours. Would you like me to draw you a picture and show you?" We sat down and I drew it all out. After he just looked at me and said, "Oh". He then walked back into the kitchen and continued drawing. I felt some relief that the questioning was over. Thinking I needed to better prepare for next time. A little while later I noticed out the window Jaxsten walking to the "Wishing Tree." He placed in it a neatly folded paper, walked back into the house and began getting ready for church. Not saying another word about it. I too started getting everyone ready but the whole time wondering what he had put on that paper and if he was OK with what I had told him. We then left for church. I tried to pay attention to what was being said during Sacrament, but could not quit wondering about what was on that neatly folded piece of paper. After sacrament I got the children all to their classes and hurried home to that tree. As I opened that piece of paper and read what he had put, the emotions once again came over me as I completely lost it there in front of that wishing tree knowing that this is one wish I can not make come true.......

I wish for the other heart. Jaxsten

On a budget

I have been wanting to re-do my front room. I have had allot of ideas and wishes but not the money to do it. So I decided to challenge myself and see if I could accomplish this wish on a very small budget of $200.00 for the whole room including furniture. So it all started with two chairs I found for $50.00 a piece.

These chairs were my inspiration to the whole room.

So to start off I had to paint. I decided to go with a neutral color for an easy room change later if I decided since this ended up being the biggest cost of the whole project. Normally I will shop around for a color. Walmart and other paint supply places will have reject paints for 75% off. I have bought them before and just mixed. Became creative. But this time I was real set on wanting gray so I just went for the buy.

Then I began looking on line for old chairs and furniture. One old chair I had found at a yard sale and the other was an old one of Tyler's grandmas left at the house. A little wood glue, some black spray paint and some cute material and I had a couple of  "New" chairs. I then found a table and lamp that was from the New York New York in LasVegas. A little more paint and some major sanding and we got some cute accents.

I then went on line and found some drapes. I wanted a black and white drape but I couldn't find any within my budget so I went with a white panel and a black one. I took the black and had my friend Judy cut it in half and hem. I didn't want the black to be as thick.

For the decor I found an old wood latter that I cut up and painted white and then antiqued. I had some old wooden frames that I painted black to put my kiddos pics in.

So now for the big revile....Did I stay on budget......No!!!! After all that I am almost $100 over. I had to get some accent pillows and some more decor. I am also still on the hunt for an area rug. Its not too bad for the first room. The next room I will budget better...hehehe

Halloween 2011

My favorite holiday...Halloween. This year was so fun. With a little creativity Sayler finally wore her costume without a single fight...maybe just a little one on the red spray. I pondered and pondered on what I could get her to wear and finally came up with something out of her everyday clothes. At the same time I was able to tie her and Kinzee together. Of course the boys had to be something Nintendo related so Luigi and Warrio won out. I always dress up with my kids. So it turned out to be a great night with way to much candy. Always a fun holiday!!

 Staten...

 The Witch...

 Raggedy Ann and Andy...

 Hooray for candy...

I also had the fun opportunity to visit the Pumpkin Patch with Sayler and her class. It was so much fun being just her and I (no siblings). I wasn't sure what to think when I first got there to her class. Either she was mad I wasn't taking her home or she was mad I was there. I think it was more the mad I was there. I think she didn't want to go home and miss out and she thought I was going to take her. IDK its hard to know for sure whats going on with her sometimes. But after I fought the tears back we went and had so much fun. I just wasn't sure what to make of what I felt was her rejecting mom. I love my little angel. Happy later to realize mom will always be loved.

Count Your Blessings

He made it to 8!!! Yes what a celebration. If you would have told me 8 years ago that the day would come and Jaxsten would be as healthy as he is I would have not believed you. Wow! How far this kid has come and the fights he has won to get here.

                                           

Yes this was my little Jaxsten 8 years ago right before he went in for his first open heart surgery. 5 days old. He was so perfect on the outside. Such a beautiful little boy. It was hard to wrap my thoughts and feelings about what was going on in the inside of him. I can remember right before they took him in I leaned down to give him a kiss hoping it would not be my last and placing my ear to his chest to listen to his tiny half a heart beating. It was beating so strong. and has been beating just as strong ever since.

Then he went on to have the 2nd Open Heart Surgery at a little over 4 months. Then a 3rd and 4th just before he turned 2 years old. Jaxsten has been through so much. So many close calls. But he has been such a strong little fighter. "A TRUE SUPER HERO"

So now here we are today... eight great but trying years later and he is doing soooo Amazing!! He is my little Hero. I am so proud of him and the little man he has become. The wonderful choices he has made. He is such a great big brother and his little half a heart is so tender. He may only have half a heart but that half has a whole lot of love.

We count our blessings every day we wake up and realize Jaxsten is still with us here on this earth. Love you forever Jaxsten.... Forever and Always

Eazy Peezy

 Peaches...

 Pears....

 Tomatoes...

 Raspberry Jam...

Salsa...

So in my busy and crazy life as a mom of four....what mom is not crazy busy. I have found a need to keep up on my food storage. I have been working on getting my two year supply and it is coming along. My biggest issue (well there is a couple issues) one is using what I have. So I have started getting more of our "comfort foods" or foods that my family is comfortable eating and rotating through them each year. I always hit the sales but have made myself once I bring it home rotate it. I have also learned to bottle. Something I never thought I would do because it was so not cool. But now yes I am an uncool mom who bottles food and I love doing it!! I have now bottled a little of everything. The things my family love the most is of course the fruit, salsa and chicken. Yes, we go through allot of chicken and LOVE IT!! Even my Sayler will eat it ( a HUGE plus). The other big issue is finding recipes that go along with my food storage. So I sat down and thought of what my family liked and came up with my own.  But I wanted to share.... I found and easier way to bottle my fruit ( peaches and pears) I do not cook the juice separately. I just poor the sugar in with the cut fruit - I only do 1/4 cup because I don't like allot of sugar- and then I fill it up with water. Run my lids under hot water, screw on the lids and steam. Eazy Peazy!!!! Now I really don't mind bottling.

Hooray!!!!

So it has been a while and I am going to now try to catch up. But I had to post this exciting news!!! My Sayler traced her own name yesterday ON HER OWN!!! YES!!! This is sooo huge for her. Where she has autism and it has been hard to even get her to sit down and pick up a crayon or pencil, let alone use it, correctly, tracing her own name. WOW!! I started to cry when her teacher called me yesterday and told me all about it. Its all the little things like this that are so huge that make all of it worth it. She has also been singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". It has been so much fun because she does not have many words. Its a little hard to understand but it is the most beautiful song to me. I love how great she has been doing lately. The thing that I have loved the most lately that most of us take for granted is that she will now return my hugs. Oh how I have wanted this, just as much as I want to hear her say.."Mommy I love you" .... One of these days but for now I will take all of the hugs she has been giving, because I have waited 6 years for them. Hooray Sayler!!! I'm so proud of you.

To the Doctor

Lately my little Sayler has been bursting into these dramatic real tear cries. Just all the sudden. I was not sure what was going on because I can't just ask her and have her tell me. At first I thought just maybe it was the stress of starting at a new school, but as time went on and it continued to get worse not better I started to get more concerned. So I finally called and made the appointment. Knowing exactly what I was getting myself into. I'm certain that is why I put it off as long as I did. Anyway...it did not go well. I felt so bad for her. We had to do ex rays,  fighting and sweating. Then we drew blood, fighting and sweating. THEN we tried to get a urine bag on and I have to laugh now ( but was not laughing at the time) Both the nurse and I were on the floor fighting a 6 year old that was a whole lot stronger than the both of us. We did not win that battle!!  I kept thinking about it and I think that if I  was in a foreign place and all these people were holding me down trying to do things to me which I have no idea what they are doing. I would fight like crazy too!! Miss Kinney also had to get blood drawn. SEVERAL times. She is just so little it was hard for them to get a vein, but she was a trooper. She is a tough little tike. Anyway, still didn't find out for sure what was wrong with Sayler but we have some ideas. She had to get a shot :( Poor thing I think it was more traumatic for her than myself and it was one of my worst days!!!

WHILE YOU WERE STARING

By Jessica Hill


While you were staring
you could have picked up my purse.
I dropped it while my son was crying.

And while you’re at it,
could you muster a smile,
because my son is really trying.

While you are huffing
and rolling your eyes,
could you understand that
loud noises catch him by surprise.

While you were judging
my parenting skills,
you failed to realize
how my son really feels.

While you were whispering
“that child is a brat”,
You missed what
caused him to behave like that.

If you would stop
and take a minute
to open your mind,
a child who is lost
in a world of sounds, sights, and smells
is what you would find.

Lending your hand or an understanding smile
would make the life easier
for someone raising
an autistic child.

Crazy! Crazy!

Yes. Another CRAZY day in my world of Autism. Last night Sayler discovered my washer. I was just putting some clothes in to wash and Sayler came in. She needed something from me and she will not stop pulling on me until I get what she needs. I decided to distract her for a min and asked her to help mommy with the laundry. So we put the clothes in and then the soap and turned it on. I could tell she was fascinated with the bubbles it was making and I needed to take some clothes out and hang them on the line. She usually has a melt down when I walk out the door without her so I thought if  the bubbles could distract her for a min we could avoid the melt down and the destructiveness that usually comes with it. See I can't take her out with me because I have to watch her at all times and I couldn't do that and hang clothes. So I left her to watch the washer and hurried out to hang the few things I had. I walked back in and found her still looking at the bubbles but about fifty times more bubbles than normal. Yes she had noticed that when I put the soap in there was bubbles so she took it upon herself to but the whole new bottle in this one wash. Needless to say those clothes after about 5 washes and rinses are REALLY clean.
So back to the CRAZY!! This morning I got up early to head up North to do some errands and lunch with my in-laws. We left really early and had just gotten home. I went in the Kitchen to put some grocery's away and went to the computer to check for an email I have been waiting for. Sayler walked in to get me for something again and as she kept pulling on me I smelt that very familiar smell of BLEACH!!!
Yes all my kids' new school clothes that got washed five times yesterday are now white. (tear) I need a house that can be Sayler proofed!!
I still love my little Angel!!

Back to School

Another school year has begun. I cannot believe how fast this summer has gone by. It was a good summer but I can honestly say that I am happy to be back on a schedule. Not only for Saylers sake but for us all. I think we all do a little better on a schedule. I have had a really hard time worrying about this school year. Last year we had Sayler up to a private school. It was a wonderful school and she did great there, but it was so hard on the rest of us. I was gone all day and by the time I got home I would fix dinner and then it was time for bed. I felt like my other kids were being neglected. So when it came time to make a decision for this year we spent a lot of time praying and pondering on it. We are praying still that the decision to keep her here will work out. So far she is liking it. We had a hard time on the first day. Just because it was all new and we were learning what was going on. I stayed up till after midnight the night before putting together a photo schedule for her so that she would have an idea what was going on. It seemed to pay off because once she got on the bus she was fine. Jaxsten is way excited to be in second grade. Which I cannot believe. I am so grateful he has stayed healthy enough to go because he does love it so much. Now its just me, Kinny and Staten. I'm so happy to be home and to be able to give them both some time. They are both so full of life. We are going to have some fun.

In Loving Memory

Last month my beautiful Grandmother passed away. It has been so hard for me. I find myself thinking of her often. She was such a beautiful, amazing, loving women. I am so blessed to have her as a Grandma. I am also so thankful for the wonderful mom she was because she raised the most amazing man, my dad. I'm once again very thankful for my Savior and the sacrifice he made so that I may once again be embraced by her loving arms in heaven. I find so much comfort in knowing she is up there watching over and helping me through my everyday trials. I feel her.

My heart goes out to my Grandpa. I know how much he misses his sweetheart. One thing that they both have taught me is that true love does exist. I loved how in love they were and are with each other. Grandpa and Grandma have the most amazing love story that started one night at a dance and continues to this day. Every year at our Family Reunion which happened to fall around there anniversary, they would dance together to their song "Could I Have This Dance" by Anne Murray. I love that song.

To my Grandma: I love you more and don't forget your promise.

Raising a Star

This summer we also had the opportunity to have Jaxsten hang his star for the Make-A-Wish. He had received his wish a few years ago. We had just never taken the time to hang his star. It was such a wonderful experience for us all to share with him. We got to the wish house and they first had us go upstairs where Jaxsten could write down his wish to put in the wishing room. All of us got to also write down a wish for anyone in the room. Then as we entered the wishing room we all shared our wishes for each other out loud. Most of the wishes were for Jaxsten. A few was for others, my daddy's wish was for me. Jaxstens wish was that he could be with his daddy forever. As Jaxsten read his wish a huge stream of emotions came over me. I think because I understood what he was wishing for. He wants to be healthy as well. The older he gets the more I think he is starting to understand. I worry that he will get scared and I don't want him to be afraid. But as I stood there thinking I was comforted because I quickly realized that his wish would come true no matter what the outcome. Because of the Atoning sacrifice of our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ. Because Tyler and I and our children have been sealed together for time and all eternity. Jaxstens wish can come true. He can be with his daddy forever.

Once again I was feeling so blessed and grateful. Grateful that our Heavenly Father has in trusted me with these special little spirits, and blessed that Jaxsten has been so healthy this far in his journey. What a wonderful experience for us all.

Thanks Make-A Wish