The Wishing Tree

When Tyler and I made the decision to send Sayler to a school that specializes in autism, we knew we had to make some changes financially to make it happen. We also had some medical bills that had accumulated and was just wanting to get out of dept. So the decision was made and we sold our beautiful new home and bought his grandparents seventy something year old home. After a few weeks of living in a trailer I didn't care what the house looked like I just needed a house. We have done some work to it and there are times I do wish a tornado would just come and rip it away. This old house is growing on me though and I can now say it is HOME. We have had so many good things happen in this home so far, and with the economy the way it has been for some I am just thankful I have a home. It has its perks. The yard is amazing. Lots of big shade trees that makes for a cool summer. One of the old trees out front has an old Times News box bolted on. I had tried to rip it off but I believe it has grown into the tree. Its just not coming off, and now I am glad it wouldn't. What at first I thought was a big eye sore has now became one of those perks I was talking about. It is our "Wishing Tree". Magical things happen when you put your wishes in it. Like our wish lists to Santa, the Easter Bunny and even Leprechaun's. They don't even need to be addressed to any certain person. Just write the wish down and it Magically disappears....
One Sunday morning a while ago. We had been talking to Jaxsten about his appointment coming up with the heart doctor. He was having some new tests done that he hadn't before so we were just mentioning it to him now and again for his preparation. Hoping it would help to know what was coming. On this Sunday morning I was in the front room sitting with the kids when Jaxsten walked up and asked, "Mom do you have half a heart?" My answer was no. "Does dad have half a heart?" My answer again was "No buddy. We have a whole heart." Jaxsten, "Well McKinzee has a half a heart. Right?" I quickly realized what was going on and began to stumble with my words and emotions. Tyler and I had talked about this. What we would say. We have decided to be open and honest with him. All I have told him so far was that he was a "TRUE Super Hero" and that he was born with only half a heart and that he had to have it fixed. He was self conscious about his scar when he was little, so I began calling it his super hero scar. It quickly became something cool to show off rather than something to be ashamed of.  I thought I would be able to address this when the time came. I just didn't realize it would be here this quick. So I looked at Jaxsten and said again, "No buddy, hers isn't quite like yours. Would you like me to draw you a picture and show you?" We sat down and I drew it all out. After he just looked at me and said, "Oh". He then walked back into the kitchen and continued drawing. I felt some relief that the questioning was over. Thinking I needed to better prepare for next time. A little while later I noticed out the window Jaxsten walking to the "Wishing Tree." He placed in it a neatly folded paper, walked back into the house and began getting ready for church. Not saying another word about it. I too started getting everyone ready but the whole time wondering what he had put on that paper and if he was OK with what I had told him. We then left for church. I tried to pay attention to what was being said during Sacrament, but could not quit wondering about what was on that neatly folded piece of paper. After sacrament I got the children all to their classes and hurried home to that tree. As I opened that piece of paper and read what he had put, the emotions once again came over me as I completely lost it there in front of that wishing tree knowing that this is one wish I can not make come true.......

I wish for the other heart. Jaxsten